The Witchdoctor

"Shit!" I said. I stepped in a pothole. This is precisely what I get for wearing platformed sandals in the rain. Then again, how am I supposed to wear my springtime duds when this town is dreary six days out of a seven day week?

I was about a block away from Aberdeen's brothel when out of nowhere those crazy Christian people from the storefront church came running around the corner like a pack of hyena's. Well, minus the noise. They were abnormally quiet when turning that corner. Like they were up to something.

"Street trash!", one of them yelled out as I passed the crowd.

"You Overweight, mom-jean wearing, dowdy housewife!!! Don't thing that I am not afraid to slap you. What kind of Christian calls people that?"

I didn't stay to hear the ignorant response she had in store. They looked like they were heading for the library. Who cares.

Before I could knock on the door, Abbie opened it. The sound of Martini shakers and Mambo blasted out of the room.

"Reneeeeeee dahhhling!" she slurred as she took my fur (it was Fendi), "I was hopping that you would make it here soon. I know how afraid you are of thunder. Before I forget I brought you some candy!"

"Did someone say my naaaame?", Kandi said while she sashayed over while simultaneously balancing her cocktail. I proceeded to give her a cheek to cheek.

"No dear, I was simply telling Renee here about the treats I have obtained for the festivities!" She responded as she handed me an elaborate platinum pillbox.

"Lauryn honey, mix up something nice for Renee please!"

After taking a "bump", I sat on the couch and sipped my martini, slowly drifting away into euphoria. The music changed up to bass pumping house, and everyone began to dance. I didn't really care for some of the tasteless women in the room, so I roamed around the antique shop. Then I heard a knock on the door. It was Mr. Doestein, the old Jew guy from the deli.

"Quick, there's a fire at the library!", he said with a stutter.

I didn't even have to ask who started it. I already knew. I ran inside and gathered the girls. We all ran outside towards the Library. Most of us scantly clad. Doped up and wasted. The rain drenching out clothes and our hair. While we danced in the streets, pretending to hear the bass of the house music. We passed a broken down tour bus with what seemed full of Orientals. They curiously followed us to the back lot of the library.

When we got there it was far from a full blown fire. In fact it was controlled. No more than a bonfire. It was alluring. The reds and oranges evoked a sense of passion in us, and we began to dance. All of us singing different songs, and throwing liquor given to us by the local bums in the fire to make it appear bigger. I couldn't help but hike up my skirt and spin, letting the wind catch it like it would catch a dream catcher. Head back. Eyes closed. Letting the rain hit my face. I forgot I was even there.

"...Shes a dude!"

Catching myself I stop dancing and lower my skirt to its original position. Everyone was staring at me. Many with looks of awe. Disgust. Some even laughing. I didn't know what to do, nor say. I just stood there. Staring.

Out of nowhere a Bible came flying across the lot, hitting me on the left side of my face. I Couldn't help but cry, but the rain falling hid my tears. Aberdeen ran towards me, holding me in a comforting way, as I broke down in silent sobs. Nobody had ever seen me cry. The Christians began to riot, screaming and chastising me. The orientals were taking pictures, while the girls helped me get up from the ground. People cleared a path while I was draped between Kandi and Abbie, barely standing on my own, whiled the dragged me through the crowd, back to the house...

Happy Ending?

It is an unusually warm and beautiful day in early January -- the temperature is around 70. The sun is bright; it is unseasonably warm. A Wells Fargo armed truck breaks down in front of the laundromat and across the street from Jorri Ray's diner at 2 o'clock in the afternoon.

"Just relax Dahhhling, do you not want me to get rid of those 'boy-pockets' of yours?"

I sat here trembling on the table as Aberdeen filled an epidural needle with her homemade concoction of silicone diluted in mineral oil. I swore to myself that I would never get "pumped", especially after seeing so many tranny's walking around with rock-solid, deformed hips. Luckily the area I am getting it in is not visible, and extremely small. To make things worse the tranquilizers I took only numbed the pain sightly, and when the needle entered my thighs I could feel the liquid slowly oozing under my skin. Finally she was done and was shaping the liquid to look natural as it stiffened.

"And there you have it dear! I am surprised you didn't scream this time."

"That's cause I am slightly numb Abbie.", I said as I reached in my bag(which happens to be Miu Miu today) for my wallet, "Ugh, how much do I owe you dear, I am on my last 300 girls, and despite what you all think I do eat." I laughed. Sometimes my own sarcasm makes me laugh.

"Renee. Sweetpea.", she put her crimson tipped claws on my shoulder, "Consider this your... ohhh how do you put it?... Free Pass! HOWEVER. Seeing as though you have a, fetish for your LOVELY labels, and obviously do not make enough money at that job of yours, you can come work for me."

She smiled

"It is completely your choice dear, if not we can just set up a payment plan.", she says as she begins to fiddle with things across the room, "But, before you make your decision, know that many of my patrons are VERY generous. You never know, they might just pay for some of your work. I know you've seen those new pair of knockers Christina got a few months ago. I can open many doors for you my dear, and you don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

I glared at her through the frames of my sunglasses. I could use the extra money, and I do need to save some Money for a new apartment. I mean maybe it won't be so bad. There doesn't have to be a "Happy Ending" if I don't want to, and work done from a legitimate doctor would be ideal.

"I will think about it hun'", I said while gathering my things, "I will let you know something when I come pick up my 'mones' next friday. They are still coming correct?"

I turned arund with my hand still on the door.

"Yes dear. Pablo. Pedro, or whatever his name is said he will be back on Thursday", she said to me over her spectacles, "By the way, cute glasses"

"Thanks! They're Balmain.", I said as I adjusted my bra and stepped out the door. If I didn't get to the bus stop I would be late for work.

I was glad I wore my vintage Alaia mini today, because it was much hotter than it was earlier this week. I stopped at Jorri Ray's to get an iced tea to-go. Everybody was pointing and staring at the armored truck across the street like a bunch of country hicks. I cannot wait to get the Hell out of here!

The Pain of Beauty

"What can I get for you Renee?"

"Hey Kandie, can I get some of that cinnamon and raisin toast, and a side of hash browns.", I said almost choking on my words.

"Good Lord Renee!", yelled Kandie with a look of shock, "Don't I recall you telling me last week that carbs are the devil? You normally come in here ordering egg whites and an orange juice. You tryin' to gain some weight girl?"

"Bingo, you caught me", I lied with a fake laugh, "Do you mind rushing that order, I have an appointment?"

Kandie scowled at me as if what I asked was difficult, "Right Away", she said rolling her eyes and flairing her nostrils.

I absolutely dread these days. Apart from having to force feed myself breads and starches, I have to face my fears of getting a shot. I hate the sight of needles, especially when detouring through Shanty Town. I get nauseous. Even more terrifying is the shot will be administered by Aberdeen. God bless her soul but she is no nurse. The things one must do to achieve this illusion we call "Beauty".

January 19, "Rebirth"

"Thank you for your purchase Mrs..."

"It's Miss."

"My apologies Ms. Factor. Thank you for shopping at Neimans", the sales woman said as she handed me my bag.

I have had my eye on this coat all season. I wanted it so much that I even sacrificed my weekly hair appointment. My obsession with beauty and labels seem to have consumed me so much, that I cannot go a week without buying the latest "Best Buys" out of my monthly subscription of Bazaar. Considering that I live in the most undesirable area in the city, my priorities should be elsewhere.

"Excuse me!", shouted a man who stopped me on my way out the door, "I must say your eyes are enchanting, even from across the room."

"Why thank you.", I said as he reached for my hand. I expected no more than a handshake, but before I knew it he gently held my hand and kissed the back of it. Let me be the first to say that this man was every girls dream. Tall, bronze, with a smile that makes you want to melt.

"My name is Ricky miss..."

"Renee.",I responded, not realizing that we had been staring at eachother in silence for almost 30 seconds. Finally I pulled my hands from him and fiddled with my hair to avoid any signs of blushing.

"Ah, reborn." He said with a look of accomplishment on his face.

I squinted my eyes for a moment trying to figure out what this man was talking about. Was he deaf or did I somehow say my own name wrong?, "Im sorry, I don't..." Before I finished he quickly explained himslef.

"Your name, Renee, it means rebirth in French. It was my minor in college."

"Oh right, right...", trying to seem like I knew, or even cared to know what my name meant. "Well excuse me Ricky, I am flattered and all, but I must catch a taxi home before the snow begins to fall.", I lied, knowing I was going to walk half a mile to the slightly hidden bus stop so nobody would catch this "social butterfly" taking the 225 bus back to "The Slums"

"Renee, if you don't mind, I would be more than happy to give you a lift home, only if you feel comfortable enough to do so.", he said with confidence. This has to be the most well spoken man that has ever hit on me, especially when compared to the crumbs that whistle at me in "The Tower" when I'm walking down the halls. Considering how cold it was outside, I debated whether or not to take Ricky up on his offer. I had to remind myself that I was a lady.

"I'm sorry Ricky, I am going to have to pass, but thanks for the offer. Maybe next time." I said hoping he would ask for my number, but knowin boys, he probably doesn't want to be bothered anymore.

"So that means I have a chance then?", he said with a smirk on his face, "How about this, here's my number, you call me whenever that pretty little heart of yours desires." His words seemed to flow like melted butter.

I smiled and took the paper from his hand, promised him I would call and ran out of the store. I knew the bus would be at the stop in about ten minutes time. When I boarded the bus the female driver gave me an up and down look while sucking her teeth. I just ignored it because she was obviously was having a personal issue. I would be upset too if I had to drive a bus all day with a cheap Lustershine synthetic wig on my head if I were her.

While sitting there awaiting for the bus to pull off, I began to think about what Ricky had told me about my name. When I chose the name Renee, I never knew that it would have such a significant meaning to my journey. January 19 marks the rebirth of Renee Factor.